Monday, April 30, 2012

the dc prom

Saturday was cold and rainy in the nation's capital and it made my heart warm knowing that all these celebrities would be miserable. As you all know, my invite wasn't delivered so I couldn't stand in person at the Hilton and impose my fashion "ehhh" face to those who needed it. Let's do a run down of the night shall we?

Arianna Huffington
WOOOOF. I give you snaps for using color, but holy crapballs - no.
Elizabeth Banks
Elle Macpherson
Gayle King
Oh honey. No.

Alicia Keys
Seems Alicia broke away from her delicious dinner at Fudruckers to attend this
little dinner down the street. This is something you would wear to the mall, not a black tie gala.

Ivanka Trump
You go Glenn Coco.
Kate Hudson
LOVE everything about this. The hair, the dress, EVERYTHING.

Mama Kris and little Kimmy Sue
Listen, this is about as demure as both get.
HOWEVER, should mom have been wearing a bra - absolutely.
Lindsey Lohan
I expected worse from her. She actually looks good.
She looks healthy and her hair is back to a normal color.
What is with the shit-eating smirk? I guess she did an okay job being preggers and all.
I'm so over True Blood that I have no idea why they would be invited again this year.
Tory Burch.
Listen, me and Tory need to sit down and have a little talk about
how TB has lost her fucking mind. Everytime I turn around, she has upped the prices on her
mediocre stuff. One trip to her store this weekend and I wanted to claw my eyes out.
Martha Stewart
Um. No words.
Again, if he wasn't 19 and 4'11, I would have already
made him by baby daddy.
Rachel Zoe
I wish you could have seen me Saturday morning when I heard RZ
was attending the dinner. I almost had a meltdown.
Not because I love her (which I do!), but who the fuck invited RZ and not me?
Also, Rachel dear, eat a burger or something. Your gauntess is disgusting.
Ladies and gentlemen, Sigourny Weaver in her next role as the Statue of Liberty.
Claire Danes
Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.
Goldie Hawn
CUT YOUR BANGS. I just can't with this woman anymore.



Thursday, April 26, 2012

joyeux anniversaire à moi

Just shy of my one year blog birthday, I cannot believe how fast a year has gone. I feel "you're what the french call les incompetents" has become better than when I started, but is still a work in process. However, thank you for your continued reading of the random shit that pops into my head. I love you all. XO

In honor of the anniversary and because I haven't done bullets in awhile, here we go....

*Did anyone watch the Frontline special on PBS Tuesday night about "the street" and the financial crisis? It was fantastic and definitely worth the watch. Yes, it is 2 hours long, but in the end you will be smarter. If you ever want to know anything about a 'credit default swap', I'm your girl.

*After watching the special, I decided that I will never do any banking with UBS Americas. The CEO is like a giddy school girl when it comes to Obama, continually divulging insider info to him while the street was declining and then admitting it on tv.

*Barney Frank was interviewed in the Frontline special. I can't get over how much he sounds like a muppet. I also can't get over how he has a partner and is getting married this summer. If Barney can find love, surely I could find someone, right?

*I am sad to announce that for yet another year, I did not get invited to the White House Correspondence Dinner which is to be held this Saturday at the Hinkley Hilton. It's fine, because I already have plans, but just once I would like to be asked. This year's attendees include Josh Hutcherson (SWOOON), Diane Keaton (snooze), Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sen. Olympia Snowe (why?), Lindsay Lohan (christ almighty), George Clooney (shocker), Zooey Deschanel, Charlize Theron, Sofia Vergara, Viola Davis, Dakota Fanning, Aziz Ansari, Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer (why?)....and fucking Kim Kardashian. I guess the question on every one's mind is will Kanye attend as well? I am so over them already, I hate to think what is yet to happen.

*It's Take Your Children to Work Day which is evident by the 10 petrie dishes walking around. The only good thing from their visit? Capri Sun. I am happily jamming out to my music, sipping some fruit punch, writing my heart out, and staying far away from their sticky little hands and whiney mouths. Someone let me know when they leave, umk?

*Speaking of snotty kids, take a look at this NYT article about the rise of fashion designers with children's lines. Sure...right soon as I have $1200 and a child, I'll be sure to call you up and purchase the tulle dress.

*I need a vacation. Like STAT. Any ideas?


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

the hair really is beautiful

It's the feel good story of 2012. The John Edwards' trial. The level of stupidity is egregious. If you are a little lost in what is actually happening, take a look at this ABC story on the key players in the trail.

I think most people are still shocked at how the pretty boy's campaign imploded and that his staffer, Andrew Young, would take responsibility for Edwards' affair. There is something about power that makes people forget reason. When you work for someone that you think could be the "real thing" and could make it to the White House, there is no doubt in my mind that you do what you have to to make them succeed. Even if it is ruining your marriage by admitting to procreating with someone named Rielle. I don't think Andrew is the crazy one...if anyone should be blamed, it should be Mrs. Andrew Young. As a woman, she should have been the most logical one of the group and put her foot down immediately. But I can see how fancy hotels and private jets cloud one's judgement. It certainly clouds mine.

Edwards faces up to 30 years in prison and $1.5 million in fines if found guilty for his stupidity. I wouldn't feel too sorry for him though...I'm sure he'll be in the Club Med of prisons. Maybe they will allow his hair stylist to visit....perhaps for "conjugal" visits.


Tuesday, April 24, 2012


After some intense stalking from Fancy Nancy today, I now know gym crush/I Spy's real name, occupation, and alumni status. It's sad on so many levels, mostly because I feel like it's Christmas morning and someone else opened my present. I had created a great life for my boy, but reality has come crashing in and it's not pretty.

His last name is bad and wouldn't work with Bunny at all. In fact, it makes my name sounds like some sort of disease. I think I mentioned that he works for Goldman, and while I loved him before I knew that he was rich, this also increases his douchy-ness. The only plus point he has working for him is the fact he is southern.

Our monograms wouldn't neither would we. It was really nice while it lasted.

Sad, lonely Bunny

Monday, April 23, 2012


I felt like a proud parent yesterday. I almost started to cry over my joy. After a year full of tough losses and poor playing, my boy Rafa, FINALLY beat Novak Djokovic in the final of the Monte Carlo tournament. Novak's grandfather died during the tournament and watching him during the match you knew he wasn't there mentally. I felt really bad for him.

I hope this win boosts Rafa's self confidence because I cannot endure another season like last year.

Is Carlos looking a touch gaunt in this picture?


Friday, April 20, 2012

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

While I still stand behind my assessment on the first episode of Scandal, the third episode was better than I was expecting. I'm not saying it's the most amazing show on tv or anything, but the last couple of minutes on the show I was literally saying out loud "I did NOT see that coming".

ABC ran the second episode a week early on their website which means I have completely forgotten about what I watched 2 weeks ago, but I remember not hating it as much as the first one.  Yes - there is still too much talking. Too, too much. The walk-and-talk-like-the-west-wing doesn't work so much because Kerry Washington tries to cat-walk instead of walk-walk. The camera man has to be in love with KW because his up-close-and-personal camera angles are not really flattering, more stalkerish than anything.  He also has some weird fetish about filming through a prismed glass. The new girl, who we finally learned is named Quin, is extra baggage and if ABC knew anything they should cut her immediately.

Sigh. There are good parts of the show, though I'm not sure they outweigh the bad. The A story line is always a struggle to get through. The B story line, which involves President Tony Goldwyn, however, is heating up. (Sorry, I don't actually know his show name). Whoowhee.  Maybe it's because he is deliciously hot, maybe it's because he is deliciously flawed - I don't know, but last night's episode was potus centric and I did not mind it at all.

How come when a woman loves a man she can't have it's seen as sad and pathetic. But when a man loves a woman the same way, we all say "awww...that's precious"?  Is it because men don't have feelings so when they do exhibit any human emotion all women are supposed to swoon? I'm off on a tangent, I know, but I recommend you watch the latest installment of Scandal. If not for the rug being pulled out in the last 45 seconds of the show, then watch just for the close ups of my vote for the 2012 election....President Tony. Bumper stickers and t-shirts will be available shortly.

Bunny loves President Tony
Bunny Goldwyn

Thursday, April 19, 2012

"I don't speak common" - The Dutchess

I don't even eat at McDonald's (well, not anymore since someone told me about pink slime), but I gotta tell you this new sandwich in France is so cute, I'd eat it. McBaguette? Precious.  And fyi, the last time I was in Paris, the line for McDoos (as it's pronounced there) was out the door...and not even americans.


Wednesday, April 18, 2012

you say escort, I say whore

Can I tell you how much I love the story of the Secret Service and the prostitute? While I do feel bad for the "upscale escort" and her panic attacks (because the secret service absolutely WILL make you disappear....they do not play), I feel even worse for the poor guys involved. This story has blown up to a full crisis and people will end up on the chopping block. It takes years and a shit ton of tax payer money to find and train men who will jump in front of a bullet for the potus.

All I have to say is to the SS - I sit at the opposite end of the Mall and am more than long as you wear the earpiece...cause that junks is hot.


Tuesday, April 17, 2012

"starships were meant to fly"

Work is crazy, there are spaceships flying over the Capitol, I'm in detox from the weekend and now poor from spending a shit ton of money at the Nats games on Friday AND Saturday. I'm so athletic.

I wanted to call your attention to this latest story that's going around this week - losing 20 lbs in 10 days. Feeding tubes are apparently all the rage. I don't even understand this. Do these people work? How do they explain the tube coming out of their nose? And once the tube comes out, how do you not gain the weight right back? If I walked into the office like this, I can guarantee people would make a scene and talk shit.


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I keep forgetting he's 19 and 4'11

I love the Hunger Games as much as the next girl who's obsessed with Peeta, but this is just a touch crazy.

Yes - that is a Peeta Mellark pillow case. The description:
"Subtlety is for the weak, and the Hunger Games Movie Peeta Mellark Pillowcase does not bend to the weak-willed! Made of 100% polyester microfiber and measuring 20-inches x 26-inches, this pillowcase is not designed for those unprepared for the grueling competition of the Games. If you must, take inspiration from Josh Hutcherson's Peeta Mellark, feature male tribute from District 12 in The Hunger Games and subject of this very Hunger Games Movie Peeta Mellark Pillowcase. Makes the perfect gift for the fan of the book series and movie The Hunger Games!"

Someone call me when it's printed on 800-count Egyptian cotton made by Frette. Until then, I'll just stare at the poster above my bed.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


Breaking news: Well, it looks like that asshole Santorum is dropping out of the race. Yes, that sanctimonious fucker is done. Though, when I saw the Drudge headline, I thought he might be coming out as gay.

Peace out asshole. You won't be missed.


and I'm back to drinking and're welcome america

I hope everyone had a chance to break in their new bonnets and if you did pull out your seersucker (or Lilly dress), that it's back in your closet to await Memorial Day. I'm seriously not even playing on this. If I see your white pants or your Jack Rogers for at least another month, I will openly mock you. Do you hear me Filthy McNasty? Not only wearing Jacks, but white Jacks. Have you no shame?

Well now that Easter/Passover/Lent is over, life is slowly returning back to normal. My "lenten objectives" lasted a bit longer then the ill fated new year's resolutions, but in the end I broke almost all of them.  I ate red meat once ("the dump" has the best hamburgers in town). I really tried hard to lay off the swearing and hateful comments and believe I did well. My sunkist addiction has switched to diet sunkist and has been rapidly removed from my life....the same way Baby Boy has. But in the end, it was the booze that did me in (isn't it always). I think I made it 48 hours before I forgot about lent and started drinking the sweet nectar of the gods....and it was delicious.

I felt that I needed a reward for all of my good deeds and niceness of the holiday, so when I received new arrival emails from Kate Spade and Hermes this morning, I knew it was going to be a good day.  Um...well...hold that thought. I don't know if its the impending decline of the Euro or if France is scared it will end up like Greece, but Hermes has raised the prices of their scarves. $40. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but when the scarves were astronomically priced to begin with, this slight raise has now pushed them over the $400 mark and I fear has pushed them out of my life. Maybe not forever, but at least until that Russian billionaire gives me a call. In the mean time let's stare, drool, and all give a collective sigh of the new spring time goodies.
Circuit 24 Faubourg
Grande Tenue

 Kate also suprised me and had this jelly goodie.  I think this might be my easter present to myself! LOVE.
Springtime Kisses

Friday, April 6, 2012

the tell was he called her sweet baby

SPOILER ALERT. I am about to critique the new ABC show, Scandal. If you saw it, feel free to chime in. If you didn't but are going to, then stop reading and read after you watch.

If you don't live under a rock, then you will know that ABC has been promoting the hell out of this show. It showed a lot of promise - DC, scandals, the president - all things I very much enjoy. And it's from the lady who wrote Grey's Anatomy, which when it started was a good show. Now...well, not so much.

I kept a written train of thought while watching, and while usually that means bullet points and crazy thoughts, I apparently was filled with lots of emotion and opinions, because there is a whole written diary on the first episode.

Where to start....where to start?  Well, for one, there is TOO MUCH TALKING. I instantly feel that I've been transformed back to watching the West Wing, except I like WW and this is grating on my nerves. It's like Aaron Sorkin-esque, but not as well written.  We are thrown into the show in a crowded DC bar. A girl wearing what Hollywood thinks is DC attire walks to the bar and to tell a hot guy that she isn't staying because she doesn't do "blind dates". I can tell the audience already hates her (read: me) because 1. her outfit is atrocious and 2. she's not attractive and therefore should be snubbing her nose at a blind date, especially a good looking, well dressed blind date. She's told this isn't a blind date, but more so a job interview. We have yet to know her name, her current occupation, and why she has applied for a new job. The words "Olivia Pope" are mentioned and the poor girl goes catatonic, almost foaming at the mouth. She's hired (what her credentials are, we have no idea, because they have yet to tell us) and whisked away because she starts right this 7pm. The only thing we are told of this girl is that her awful outfit shows way too much cleavage, which in DC there is a fine line between "appropriate" and "intern attire" (as all girls on the hill nod and say "true that").

Enter Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope. Her hair instantly distracts me. She is a beautiful woman, but the side bang she's rocking highlight her incredibly large forehead. I find myself trying to brush the bangs over as she's on-screen, and only towards the end of the show does my magic start to work. There is A LOT of walking and talking, something about a baby and $3 million dollars and her gut. She also calls out the new girl for showing too much chest. Even though she is poorly dressed, she is not showing too much skin.  I'm 8 minutes into this show and I'm exhausted and starting to hate it...this is not good.

I'm not sure what kind of business Olivia runs, because she makes a point to say they aren't a law firm, but they are lawyers. There is hot random black guy, mexican IT guy who was in Weeds and was a drug dealer, random guy from LOST (which reminded me how much I hated that show), and some red headed chick who makes a point of saying 10 minutes into the show that she hates republicans. Fantastic. I should point out that said republican hating red head is wearing white hose. Not leggings - panty hose. Isn't there some line about stones and glass houses?

Enter the's Dr.  Judson for all you Hart of Dixie fans...covered in blood. His girlfriend has been shot in the head 3 times. His alibi is weak at best and he knows he is going to be arrested. Let me say that compared to the other losers on this show, his hotness is distracting. He's a decorated war hero, he's a powerful speaker for the far right wing, and he swears he didn't do it. Olivia believes him because her "gut" tells her so. Um, Liv, maybe it's heartburn.

Someone says blah, someone else says blah and 10 people died of boredom. And thennnnnn I remembered why I wanted to watch this show....TONY GOLDWYN. Damn ya'll, I really do have a type. I need help. Tony plays the President of the United States. I'm instantly alert and back into the show and wondering why none of the current presidential nominees look like him. Tony is in search of a PR person too because it looks like he's been naughty (very into this show now). His affair-e is threatening to make the story public. Olivia is "hired" because she used to work for potus and believes in him. The girl in affair - question is the same girl that outed Leo McGarry as a drunk on the west wing. We hate her. (Side note: Joshua Malina, also of the WW is also on this show. Someone let me know when Bradley Whitford appears). Olivia comes off a little too harsh, showing a little too much emotion on the accused girl in front of her new protege (whose name we still don't know) and I instantly know where this whole episode is headed. I could have written this in my sleep. It's amateur at best....but we are only half way through. At 45 minutes in and I find myself saying out loud "holy shit balls this is awful."

I'll leave the rest for you to watch, but I'm on the fence if I will give this show a second watch, even with the hottest potus known to man. There is too much talking, the camera work makes me think I'm having a seizure and coupled with the white hose, no makeup, ugly people, and a weird story, I just don't see me putting in the effort.  But, if given a choice between doing the right thing and sleeping with President Tony Goldwyn....well, hell, I guess get me a beret and a cigar and call me Monica.

Bunny Goldwyn

my lil stink pot

She's like a little black bear, but better. She speaks French and a little Spanish. She has a killer attitude, which she doesn't mind throwing around. She's "allergic" to dog food, just like I'm "allergic" to poly-blends. She has 14 different names from "stinkem" to her given name of "Rudy", but doesn't really answer to any of them because she's on her own time table. She is the most spoiled dog on earth, I love her very much and she's sick. While we've had a good 14 years together, I'm not ready to say goodbye quite yet so please send her your thoughts.


Thursday, April 5, 2012

were you thinking about that Louis neverfull bag too?

This just in: I'm materialistic. I'm also not well liked. According to this morning's faciniating article in the NYT, if you would rather have a new dress over a trip, then you are obviously depressed and unhappy with your life. I actually kind of see's why when I'm depressed I buy myself something great, usually to take it back once the high has worn off.  Just more great news that I'll probally die alone. At least I'll look good when I'm living with my 100 cats. Just kidding...I hate cats.


Monday, April 2, 2012

"I yelled to the cabbie, yo holmes smell you later"

Do you think that the Smith-Pinkett family have mirrors in their house? They really need to invest in a stylist. This is an abomination. 

FYI: less is more...and Willow, lose the Debbie Gibson hat. It does nothing for you other than show off your father's ears.


Photo: Jason Merritt

a case of the mondays

Well, I don't know about ya'll, but I definitely need another 24 hours of a weekend to make it through this monday. I've been to Starbs and to the cafe downstairs for coffee and am contemplating drinking the diet sunkist in front of me. Nothing is helping. Even the thought of seeing my gym crush tonight isn't pulling me through. And on the subject of gym crush, "I Spy", I now know he works at Goldman Sachs.  Thoughts on this? Cause now I'm convinced he's a dick just like all the other Goldman guys and our love affair is now over.

Speaking of love affairs that are now over, The Killing and Game of Thrones were back for their second seasons last night. As I stated before, I didn't watch The Killing, because in the end - after the 13 miserable hours - I realized I didn't give two shits about who killed Rosie Larsen. She was obviously a tramp, running around whoring herself out for shoes and casino chips. She should know should only whore yourself out for furs, jewels or stock a lady.

Game of Thrones did a nice job of trying to bring you back into the story, but bad luck for them, I'm just over it. I was with them for the first 45 minutes, but then it all went down hill when they started eliminating any possible offspring of the king. And, in my obsession with The Wire, can anyone get over the fact that Mayor Carcetti is on this show? I only see him as that and I hated him on that show and I hate him on this show.

Mad Men was great. A fat Betty? In a pink, quilted house coat sitting on the couch eating Bugles...I loved every minute of it. I still can't decide if January Jones is a great actress or just so boring all she can do is blink and nod to come off as listening. I feel bad for her politic man...he had no idea what he was entering into. What did you think about her house furnishings? I thought they were creepy to match the exterior of the manse. And do we know what the baby Draper was named? PS - I hate the "new" Harry Crane. He needs to disappear and quick.