Tuesday, October 9, 2012

It's baaaaaackkkkk

2012 Neiman Marcus Christmas Book arrived via email this afternoon. I did what any normal red blooded woman would do...screamed with excitement, pushed my work off my desk, and devoured every damn page. Obviously, Mr. Neiman and Mr. Marcus paid attention to my posts from last year, because as soon as you open it they hit you with fantasticness.
Pink and red British themed clutch from Alexander McQueen complete with rhinestoned skull? Uh yeah. I'm going to need that.  Page 8 and 9 are filled with scarves by Missoni and barware from Waterford (did NM get a hold of my diary?) that are all beautiful. Some cute Cole Haan riding boots are previewed on page 10 and make me curse my shock-putter-esque calves. Seriously, I hate them. Because if I didn't have them, these Stuart Weismann button up boots would be on my person. I LOVE these boots. And compared to other boots this season like them, they are relatively cheap. I mean, they are still $700, but it could be worse.
But no one really cares about the "small ticket" items. The fantasy gifts are where it's at...
First up -  the French chicken coop. I'm not making that up. Who the hell would want that? For a good laugh though, read the description on the website. It actually makes it sound delightful. And take a look at the pictures. I'm sure my cocks would want china hanging on the wall. Thank god I don't eat eggs.

The jet pack reminds me of that Arrested Development episode with the "moles".  Sigh...I love that show. This is actually a pretty good gift. You can go up to 80 miles on one tank of gas at 32 mph. Do you think that I could fly the 6 miles from my house to work? Would I invade some sort of Capitol airspace? I really need to look into this. And with my $100k purchase, the thoughtful people at Neiman's will donate $2500 to the Boys and Girls Club. If they were really thoughtful, they should just donate one of these packs to them. They could charge $2500 a ride and make bank.

Years ago, NM sponsored a Mercedes G-Wagon that was tricked out in black and chrome. I sweated that truck like it was my goddamn job. Keeping with that same theme, this year it's the McLaren spider in "Volcano Red". While it's beautiful and you get a free trip to London to meet the CEO of McLaren, I just want a G-Wagon in volcano red.          
The his and her's Van Cleef Parsian themed watches are pretty amazing.  I actually really like them. Like really (hint, hint). And you get a free trip to Paris and Geneva. However, I just realized that the price was A MILLION DOLLARS and not $19,000 like I originally thought. I obviously missed a couple zeros. I'd rather just have some Van Cleef alhambra earrings and perhaps a necklace.
But the gift I covet this year, is this bananas tailgate trailer. Of course I would need an old school Woody to match...and would need to dress in nothing but Ralph Lauren country wear. And it comes with a year's supply of bourbon. JACKPOT. I wonder, though, if this means they give me a giant case or if I tell them how many bottles I will need in a year. Cause obviously they haven't seen grandma pound back her nightly bottle of Virginia Gentlemen. That's like $150k a year right there. The tailgait would pay for itself very quickly.

photos: neiman marcus


Fauxanna Wintour said...

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. . .I may even tell you I'm sweating some of this stuff. . .eww, I still can't use that term with a straight face, even if you can. Who wants to buy me a gift?

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