Friday, July 29, 2011

I hate being poor.

Dear Ralph Lauren:

You have lost your mind.


Ralph Lauren has created a home line and it only took one picture for me to fall in love.
I love everything about this room, including the tacky chinese vases. I would kill for that navy velvet chair and the striped sofa.  Being the enqiring mind that I am, I went to Ralph Lauren to see how much this was going to set me back. Holy shitballs kids. Ralph obviously must be inches from the homeless shelter with how much he is charging for a couch.  Just take a guess how much the striped delight is.  Guess. If you guessed $7700, then you would be right. But that's just the couch in white.  You have to pay extra for the stripes. And with the way he is charging, it might be $100 PER stripe. My chair is $5800. Do you think Greenfront Furniture will have this on sale?

So obviously this teaches us one thing kids.  That you should grow up and become furniture designers. Because apparently that is where the money is. 


Thursday, July 28, 2011

this is the 100th post

Can you believe it? I sure as hell can't, because I can't believe I've had that much to say. 

So I've been thinking about what I would write as my special 100th post. Do I write a recap of the last 99 posts? Do I talk about the fact that Rafa's facebook page is no longer written by him in his broken english, but from someone saying "keen" and using smiley faces?

In the end, I figured it should be like any other post.  And because I got a nice fedex package with a pris-prize inside, I decided I would share.
I. Cannot. Wait. XO,

another rousing edition of Lagerfeld Thursday

It's been said that Karl might be a bit of a horder.  But I have no idea where that comment might come from.

I love a well-read man. I really do.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

10 Ways in Which Bunny Is Vile and Wicked to Me… by Fancy Nancy

After Lady Lala's debut this week, people are now itching at the bit to "guest" blog on this dinky little blog. So ladies and gentleman...making his first appearance on "you're what the french call les incompetents", I give you.....Fancy Nancy! Please contain your excitement. And is all lies. XO Bunny

10 Ways in Which Bunny Is Vile and Wicked to Me… by Fancy Nancy
Hey kiddies! Just so you know. I had to push that horrid Bunny down to get this on her blog. Relax. She’ll be fine, but she’s lucky there wasn’t an open elevator shaft nearby. And, yes, we are in a fight because she is so awful to me.
1. She frequently reminds me of my age. Can I help it that I’m a Nancy of a certain generation? That’s just mean.

2. She criticizes my allegedly tight clothing. One time when handing out t-shirts, she refused to give me a size S saying, “Only people who can wear a small get a small.” Rude! Why wear M when S will do? Otherwise, everyone would wear XL, right?

3. She describes my driving as her “death wish” when she rides with me. Just not nice at all…

4. She calls me vain and stupid. I may be many things, but mama is NOT stupid! Evil!

5. She tells everyone I’m a terrible gossip. OK. That one is kinda true, but I am NOT terrible at it. Hateful!

6. She dismisses me from her presence when talking about books. Well, I don’t like to read. I’m more of a visual person. Give me pictures any day! Holla, Mr. Evans!
7. She likes to tell people that I have awful taste in movies. Well, true story. I liked Avatar and 2012.  While I may be Fancy Nancy, I’m still a guy.
 8. She heaps scorn on me whenever I express enthusiasm for something she likes. It’s not like I want to BE her or anything. Wicked, just wicked.

9. She bosses me around like her slave-boy. That just isn’t right in so many ways because for starts with I want a slave-boy too! Holla two times, Mr. Evans!
10. She knows I’m sensitive, but still she hurts my feeling all the time. Can I help it that I’m deep??? Well, I hope she rots in Hell!

So, why do I put up with all of Bunny’s crap? Must be that I love the nasty gurl ‘cause it sure as Hell isn’t low self esteem!

Mwah! Mwah!

Fancy Nancy

now I know what to do with all that fruit in my fridge...

In honor of the Hermes Kelly Picnic Bag (which I should have had June 1 because it is the PERFECT summer bag), Hermes has done a delicious spread to honor the iconic Kelly bag (which was named after Grace Kelly).  All the items used are what you would find in....a picnic basket. How adorable, right?

the muse


Photo: Hermes

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

in memoriam...


I told you so.

                       Ladies and Gentleman...the distinguished member from the great state of Oregon.

Didn't I tell you? Didn't I warn back in June that it was only a matter of time before another congressional scandal?  Didn't I say it would be before September? Well I am a goddamn genius. Here's the thing about poor David Wu, this isn't new to people in DC.  The story of him cracking up came out right before the election.  But the fucking idiot constituents his district obviously thought they would die with a republican he was the best man for the job. There were erratic emails to his office, which working in a Congressional office I'm not sure how you can differentiate the erratic emails from the standard emails (true story). He sent them pictures of himself dressed as a tiger. There were pleas from his staff to seek professional help (lord have mercy, you know its bad when...). There was a mass exodus of staff. And if all of that wasn't bad enough to make you quit your $25k a year, working 80 hours a week, getting pictures of the boss showing you his Tigger, then the article out of an Oregon newspaper reporting an inappropriate "sexual encounter"  to a donor's teenage daughter might be the final straw.

Mr. Wu. Tisk tisk. The daughter of a donor? What kind of congressman are you? Don't you know the cardinal rule? You never fuck around with the monies. I don't care how hot she was. Her parents are your meal ticket.  And to resign stating the fact that you want to spend more time with your wife and children? Oh hell to the naw.

Maybe that's why Congressman Timmy Ryan won't marry me.  He knows that in the face of a scandal, I would stand tall until the kinky, prostitute stuff came out.  Then I would hold a press conference and smack the hell out of him on national television. Across the face.  Not because he cheated, but because he embarrassed me.  And he wasted our money.  And just like a good congressman, Bunny never fucks around with the monies.

Ya hear me?

Monday, July 25, 2011

weekend hijinxs

I am dying laughing over the reactions of Lady LaLa's post.  Especially New Girls, because homegirl is pissed. HAHA...ahhh....still making me laugh. But uh, eek. I was a little off on the numbers of the posts.  This one makes #94. So Lala, we can try again later in the week for the big 100 (so exciting!)

I hope everyone had a nice weekend...indoors. I'm over the heat...and I'm over the weather men who keep talking about a 'cold front'.  But when that cold front is 95 instead of 105, it makes me want to punch them in the throat. With an open fist. Because that is ladylike.

My friend DS is in town for the month from Afghanistan....or what he now refers to as "home". Don't get me started.  But he is mean, bitter and hysterical - just like me - so we had a good weekend. I dragged him to Captain America 3D so we could watch Richard Armitage's 4 minutes on screen. I mean, wtf. I've been hearing all about his great character and how hard he studied for it, but if you had to go to the bathroom, you missed the whole scene. Very disappointing, but ridiculously hot even if he was a nazi.  I give the move a solid B. Chris Evans is just so brutally good looking that he makes up for the "whhhhaaaatttt??" at the end (no spoilers).

We also saw Horrible Bosses. While I thought it was super funny, I almost wanted it to be even funnier.  Charlie Day's voice started to grate on my nerves about 45 minutes into the movie, so by the end I was running for the exit. And I didn't really get why JAniston was all up in his shit.  He wasn't that cute. Actually someone in the movie called him a gerbil and that's exactly what he was.  But Jason Bateman was yum, yum, good as always.  I reallllly want there to be an Arrested Development movie STAT.

The other funny thing I have to mention...Poodle, LH, and myself stumbled into this bar Saturday night. Sitting on the bar was a punch bowl. Odd. Then there was a big man sitting at the bar with a t-shirt that advertised if you dialed a certain number, he would teach you how to drive a "big-rig". Thennnnn, I looked up and saw that the bartender was wearing an eye patch. I looked at LH and Poodle and told them that if I was supposed to behave, this was not going to be the place.  It was like a freak show. So we turned on our heels and left....and it was probably the smartest thing we could have done. True story.


Spoiler Ethics 101

Little monsters,

I'm extremely honored to write a guest post for Bunny today! I thought I was going to be the 100th post, but Bunny probably wrote something about Rafa's abs that stole all my glory. Damn you, hot Spaniard! Are your 10 major titles not enough?!?!

Anyway, it's been a running theme here at the office for us to pick on New Girl and today is no exception. (Although I think we just like to tease her because she's so cute, and really, for being so new, she fits in way too well with the rest of us weirdos.)

But this is directed at New Girl, and people in general who are so far behind on TV series, movies, or books, that those of us who watch in real time cannot talk about pop culture without someone getting mad that we are revealing a spoiler. Well, guess what? I don't care. If you do not watch the season finale of a show within 1 week of it airing or see a movie before it's out of the theater, or if you come to book club to discuss a book THAT YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED so other people cannot talk about the ending or basically any plot point of the book that has any relevance whatsoever then I DON'T CARE if it gets spoiled for you. Someone literally told me the other day, "Shh. Don't talk about Inception, I haven't seen it yet." And I'm all like GUESS WHAT, ASSHOLE? I AM going to tell you how it ends because you had a freakin' year to see it in the theater or on demand. If you don't want to hear about the movie then leave the conversation and don't hang out with me. And seriously fast forward your life so you're not living on permanent tape delay.

But this morning, New Girl says to me and Bunny, "I can't believe one of my friends told me that Drogo dies on Game of Thrones! Now I don't even want to watch anymore." But here's the thing: Game of Thrones was written in like 1996. So it's really no spoiler that Khal Drogo dies because there's been a good, oh, 15 YEARS, for people to find that out.

And I can't even count the number of people who are all "Don't tell me if Harry dies. Don't tell me if Snape is good or bad." And I just want to smack them. How did they not run immediately to the bookstore in 2007 to figure that out?! Don't expect me to contain my all-consuming love for Snape (which couldn't fit into his entire collection of potion bottles). Seriously. Just don't even be my friend.

Now it's one thing if someone sees a movie like the Sixth Sense on opening night and then tells everyone the next day that Bruce Willis is actually dead. That is rude. Obviously there is an appropriate time-lapse that one should follow with regard to spoiler ethics. (Writing that just made me sad that M. Night Shamalayayasdkjfhaskdj never made another good movie.)

So I refuse to feel bad for people who are like "Oh, don't tell me how the BIBLE ends because I haven't read it yet."

And yeah, I am going to keep spoiling things for people and loving it.


ps- New Girl, Ned dies too. I bet you're gonna feel like this guy:

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Amy Winehouse RIP

If you havent seen or heard, singer Amy Winehouse died today. Cause of death is "unknown", but i think we all know what she died from. And because of that, I am angry. I am angry that at 27, her life is over. I am angry that I will never get to hear a new song, because she really was talented. Her song "back in black" was played on repeat for weeks on end in the car. She was a mentor to my new British fave, Dionne Bromfield, who is being touted as a "new Amy". I am angry that she didn't care enough to take opportunity after opportunity to help herself. And that's just plain selfish.

So Amy, I hope you know that you were loved and i hope you are in a better place. Full of cocaine wishes and alcohol dreams.


Friday, July 22, 2011


I don't know if you got the memo or not, but its hot.  It's like the opposite of hell freezing over...more like hell saturating into DC. I have it really bad...I take the elevator from my apartment to the garage, get in my car and drive the 5 miles to work where I park in the garage, and take the elevator to the office.  So I actually never have to breathe in any outside air (read: pedestrian air). I know you feel so sorry for me. Some of the nerds around town have named this heat wave "Sweat Ceiling 2011" know, like the debt ceiling?  Insert groan here.

Captain America opens today! A shirtless Chris Evans! My British boyfriend Richard Armitage! It will be a drool fest and I can't wait to go.

Speaking of drool fest, Rafa's book is coming out August 23 (right after I return from my weekend love fest with him) and check out the cover. Add him this to the never ending christmas list too.
Kisses all around,

Thursday, July 21, 2011

a couple quick things

Can we all marvel in the genius that is this:  Granted, my burn book is far more superior and features better people (Ruth Bader Ginsburg), but this is pretty murder.  Thanks to the Poodle for the head's up.

Can we also talk about how this Mugler jacket murdered me? 
I absolutely neeeeeeeed that jacket.  And with it I would wear these amazeballs Miu Miu shoes.  What is it with Miu Miu this season?  They are killing it.
I can't wait for the cool, crisp air of fall to be here already.


totes adorable

Give it up to Lady LaLa who thinks Alex looks like a Hogwart's professor here.  He could teach me anything he wanted. All day long. Suit optional, robe a must.
Alexander Skarsgard with his honorary degree from Leeds
Photo: Wenn

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

I'm in love with the gentleman on the left.

Can we talk about the hotness of Carlos Costa for a minute? Like, his hotness can be seen from space.
While I am double-fist-pumped for Cincy, I pray that Carlos travels with team Rafa.  Yeah, I see you Uncle Tony and you are handsome, but you don't even come close to the double C.

I wonder if Rafa takes applications to be part of his entourage? Maybe is a rousing rendition of Truth or Dare. Whatever it is, I would do it.  Though, I can't imagine paying for all of these people to travel with you.

Photo: Rafael Nadal Facebook

you remember that christmas list I started?

Uncle Peter get the smelling salts because I'm about to pass out. 

Karl Lagerfeld's line for Macy's, Karl Lagerfeld Impulse, is being revealed today. The line will be comprised of  "some high-collared pieces as well as edgier, rock-'n'-roll looks". Please lord, let them all be in black and white, and please lord let DC be one of the 230 stores that gets the collection.  A couple of years ago, Karl did a line for H&M.  It sold out in 16 minutes. Seriously.

I'm interested to see what the price line for this collection will be. But it might be that everyone gets a KL starch white collar for christmas!

Happy Holidays,

post hoc ergo propter hoc

I am exhausted with the celebrity sightings in DC.  In the past 10 days, I have seen Dennis Leary, Martin Sheen, the girl from the West Wing who played CJ's assistant - Carol, and Matthew Perry.
I didn't zoom in because I didn't want to get caught taking a picture, because I'm above that...unless its Tucker Carlson. So here's how it went down...New Girl, Fancy Nancy and I went down to the office bar, which is a lot like Cheers but without a Sam, or Norm.  Now, a word about the office bar. It's pretty fact its one of the best places in DC. However, we have gotten spoiled by just going down for a quick drink that most of us consider it a dump. An expensive dump, but a dump. So we were sitting around, doing a recap of the day, when this guy walks into the vestibule and he looks familiar...short...but familiar.  All of a sudden it clicks on who he is and I say to the group "holy shitballs, President Bartlett is about to walk in."  Mostly that sentence made the other two say "WHOOOO" because both of them suck at watching TV, but as you all know, watching tv is like, my life.  For those who didn't watch The West Wing, go rent it immediately. Republican, Democrat, doesn't matter. If you have any interest in politics or DC this is a great show. Well, until season 6 - then the shit is down hill from there.  So, where was I...POTUS Bartlett had just walked in the door, flanked by a bodyguard and Carol, the girl who played CJ's assistant in the show. For the nerds out there, did you know that "Carol" ran for Congress from PA?  She lost.  But that's not the story...anyhow, she walked in the door wearing an adorable turquoise and white summer dress.  However, it was not adorable on her.  It was really out of place, and her shoes were a.w.f.u.l. She seemed really nice and took pictures with people in the restaurant/bar.  So did Marty Sheen. So while we were dazed and confused watching these two "celebrities", I happen to look outside to the patio to see what idiots were sitting outside in 100 degree heat...and it was Matthew Perry.  Yep - Chandler Bing from Friends, just puffing away on his cig.  So MP was looking a little rough. As someone said, he looked like a walking PSA for sunscreen and say no to drugs.  But I thought he looked good. Homeboy needed a haircut, but still cute.  He ordered a diet coke, and New Girl reminded me that he had a slight problem with pain killers...yeah...who hasn't...but he wasn't drinking.  That's okay, because the 3 of us were knocking them back.  He seemed overly fascinated in our table, like he wanted to sit down and talk, which would have been fine. I can talk to anyone. True story.  The 3 of them were in town for a "drug court", which is a court that would deal only with drug convictions.  I don't know why that is something that they would petition for, but whatever floats your boat. None of us got pictures with them, mostly because, as they told me this morning, I was very adamant about no pictures and playing it cool.  Sorry guys.

I only wish that Bradley Whitford, who played Josh Lymon on the West Wing, would have been there. I would have freaked out. And it would have been amazing.

Also in the bar, were Sen. Coons (who called Marty Sheen "Mr. President), and Sen. Whitehouse, who talked about a private plane and going on vacation. Why isn't he republican?

Sam Seaborne's lover

PS - 2 points to the person who correctly tells me what the title of this post means. Hint: its latin.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

baby if you've ever wondered, wondered what ever became of me

YAY! Tickets are booked to Cincinasty and I. Am. Pumped. Rafael Nadal, watch your back.


Monday, July 18, 2011

Another day...another dollar.

How was everyone's weekend? Mine was pretty low key and I tried to sleep as much as possible to get rid of this cold that's about to start.  I hate summer colds. They are the worst.

I saw Harry Potter this weekend and what can I say other than EPIC? It was so good. I cried, I laughed, I then cried some more. I paid the extra money and saw it in 3D...and it was totally worth it. I know the cheese stands alone here, but Snape is my favorite character.  I love his story line, I love the tragedy of it, I love the pain, and I love the actor. Just thinking about it now, makes me want to go back to the theatre and cry some more.

Tough loss for the USA women's soccer team.  I don't really follow soccer or know what the hell they do other than run around, but I watched the last 2 games and enjoyed it.  This is not to say I will watch more, but I enjoyed what I watched.  PS - Did the goalie for Japan look like a Monchichi to anyone else?

I'm not being mean...just stating a fact.

Speaking of being mean, I've decided that I have been to hard on the girl that we call "White Bread".  She really has done nothing to me, other than dress like a 80 year old and wear white shoes, but I have this irrational dislike of her.  You see, I can create stories in my, intricate, delicately woven stories.  Most of which are in no way factual.  Kind of like my story of White Bread seducing Baby Boy that I have created. I won't go into the details...nor will I discuss the Boy because its too painful, but I am going to try and stop hating her.  This means no more stare downs at the bar and actually responding to emails when she sends them.  I'll keep you informed on how this all works out. It's going to be like a full time job NOT to hate her.

I'll talk about True Blood to space out these posts. But I'll leave you with some music:

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Happy Bastille Day bitches!

Joyeux Anniversaire France!

 I think we, too, should celebrate France's birthday with a big bottle of wine, a baguette, and a beret. All while listening to this:

I like the Louis version...sue me.

In other news --
Emmy nominations were announced this morning...and guess who is on the list...wait for it...wait....Josh motherfucking Charles. I obviously think that he got the shot out because of this blog and maybe a little bit of his acting.  Let's go through the list shall we and pick the winners?

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Louis C.K., Louie
Steve Carell, The Office
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

This is a hard one because obviously its Alec, but with Steve Carell's last season in the Office maybe he deserves it.  I personally love Louis CK and would die to see him win because his acceptance speech would be amazing.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
Hugh Laurie, House
Timothy Olyphant, Justified
Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Jon Hamm. I say this without a doubt because of a couple things...1. Boardwalk Empire stunk like New Jersey garbage.  The first 4 episodes were interesting, then just fell flat. 2. I don't feel that Dexter did anything special this season to win an award.  and 3. why is House still on this list?  That show needs to be canceled.  Its the same story every week.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries of Movie
Edgar Ramirez, Carlos
Greg Kinnear, The Kennedys
Barry Pepper, The Kennedys
Idris Elba, Luther
Laurence Fishburne, Thurgood
William Hurt, Too Big to Fail
Well you all know what a big nerd I am and how much I loved Too Big to Fail, so I'm going with Billy Hurt.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Laura Linney, The Big C
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Martha Plimpton, Raising Hope
Tina Fey, Liz Lemon
I'm going out on a limb here and say Melissa McCarthy.  I've actually never watched Mike and Molly, but I thought she was hysterical on Bridesmaids.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Kathy Bates, Harry's Law
Mireille Enos, The Killing
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

If fucking Mireille Enos wins, I swear to the lord baby jesus, I will go carnival freak show on someone.  I swear I will scratch someone's eyes out. I'm calling Julie Margulies on this one. After I found out Elisabeth Moss was a scientologist, I just can't seem to like her.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Diane Lane, Cinema Verite
Elizabeth McGovern, Downton Abbey
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce
Taraji P. Henson, Taken From Me: The Tiffany Rubin Story
Jean Marsh, Upstairs Downstairs

I love Diane and I thought Cinema Verite was interesting, but I loved Downton Abbey and Upstairs Downstairs.  Mildred Pierce was a piece of crap and I wish I'd never watched it.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Chris Colfer, Glee
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Ed O'Neill, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men

I'll be happy with any of the Modern Family guys.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
Walton Goggins, Justified
John Slattery, Mad Men
Andre Braugher, Men of a Certain Age

I was so excited to hear Josh had been nominated, but then I saw the rest of the men in his category. Holy shitballs...this is a good group of men. Game of Thrones is only good because of Peter Dinklage.  Alan Cummings is amazing and John Slattery is the perfect drunk, cheater of the 1960s.  Ugh...poor Josh.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie
Tom Wilkinson, The Kennedys
Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce
Brian F. O'Byrne, Mildred Pierce
Paul Giamatti, Too Big to Fail
James Woods, Too Big to Fail

Nerd rage again...but I'm going James Woods here.  His character was a dick and he played him so perfectly. Paul was also excellent as Bernake, but I call it for Woods.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Jane Lynch, Glee
Betty White, Hot in Cleveland
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock

I am a huge Golden Girls fan. HUGE. My GG trivia knows no bounds. But stop. I'm sick of your old-adorableness. Jane Lynch will win, but I kind of hope Sophia Vergara gets it...I love her.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Margo Marindale, Justified
Michelle Forbes, The Killing
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men

Congratulations on your nom Michelle Forbes. You'll probably win for your misery in your miserable show.  Calling it for Christine Baranski.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Evan Rachel Wood, Mildred Pierce
Meilssa Leo, Mildred Pierce
Mare Winningham, Mildred Pierce
Eileen Atkins, Upstairs Downstairs

I don't understand what the rage of Mildred Pierce was.  It was a boring book, with a sub-par movie, and an dumb recreation. Yes, I get that it was racy in the 50s, but that's just standard today.  I guess I would pick ERW because her performance as Vita made me want to jump thru the tv and strangle her.

Outstanding Comedy Series

The Big Bang Theory, CBS
Glee, Fox
Modern Family, ABC
The Office, NBC
Parks and Recreation, NBC
30 Rock, NBC

Modern Family.

Outstanding Drama Series
Boardwalk Empire, HBO
Dexter, Showtime
Friday Night Lights, DirectTV
Game of Thrones, HBO
The Good Wife, CBS
Mad Men, AMC

The Good Wife.

Oustanding Miniseries or Movie
Cinema Verite, HBO
Downton Abbey, PBS
Mildred Pierce, HBO
The Pillars of the Earth, Starz
Too Big to Fail, HBO

Too Big to Fail.

Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series
The Colbert Report, Comedy Central
Conan, TBS
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Comedy Central
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, NBC
Real Time With Bill Maher, HBO
Saturday Night Live, NBC

Colbert. Just once I want him to beat Stewart.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. Which means, for the love of god, comment on this post. I'm sick of writing crap, sending it out, and then no one comments. So please...for my sanity, tell me I'm doing something worthwile.
Photo: Reuters

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

my new music obsession...

Sorry I'm late to the party...

The End of Harry Potter

I don't know if I can bring myself to watch the final movie, because then it will finally be over.  Yes, I read the books and I know what happens, so basically I know that it is over. But it's just so sad. I mean, we've watched these babies grow up into real people...and whoa what a ride. Holler at your girl, Malfoy!

Let's do some then and nows shall we?

Harry Potter:


Wow. Just look how adorable that kid was...and now, he takes his clothes off on Broadway and gets it on with a horse. Sure. Okay.
Ron Weasley:

No matter how many times I see him, he is always disheveled and looks to be a bit of a stoner. But I do love his red head.

Hermione Granger:

Ya'll Hermione is not a girl, not yet a woman. But I love her 'fuck-you' hair.

Draco Malfoy:
LORD.  I was reading an article in WSJ today about how excited Tom (Draco) is that he will be able to go into the sun and not have to dye his hair.  Ohhhh Tom. Trust me when I say, the dye will get the girls every time.  I also like his brief cameo in Get Him To The Greek.

Neville Longbottom:

GODDDAMNNNN Neville. Guess all that time in Herbology did a body good. Give me a call sometime.


PS - A big shout out to the "new girl at work" who helped me drink my blues away late into the evening. After she told me that she thought I hated her the first 3 weeks she worked her, I think she may have to be spared from the Burn Book this week. But just this week. Why do people think I am so mean?? I feel that I'm the nicest damn person in the world. Yes, I have been called "the meanest mean girl of all the mean girls"...a title I wear with some honor, but seriously yall.  The restraint I showed alone last night not telling this White Bread girl that she needed to cut the string on her suit coat, was award winning. Seriously, I should have won an oscar. I'm just saying.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

It's getting hottt in here...

It feels like 110 in DC today.  And I am no where near a beach or a pool.  There is something wrong with this picture. However, I am near a bar and will be drinking away the heat and the heartbreak that is my life later tonight, if anyone wants to join my pity party.

I'm back having the writers block...I seriously need a guest writer or two.  Start submitting applications STAT.  And I'll start working on my hazing.

So here are just some things I've been thinking about lately:

*What seemed like a good idea at the time (famous last words), I worked out on Sunday.  Yes, it is the lord's day and I should have been at home watching Jake Ryan movies, but no...I decided to go into an empty gym, show off to only myself, push myself more than I should, and do these sit ups I found in some magazine.  I guess the sit ups worked, but every laugh, every turn, every deep breath in feels like someone is sitting on my stomach. If it wasn't so damn painful, I would have done them again this morning.  But I couldn't. I just couldn't.

*Did anyone happen to watch Jersey Housewives this past Sunday?  Am I the only one who is over this show? I just can't stand the ridiculousness of their lives.  And Melissa's singing makes me want to vomit, but I kind of dig that song.  The gem was the after show on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen...except this week it was Jay Mohr hosting.  Holy bananas yall. It was the funniest 30 minutes I've watched in a long time.  If you didn't see it, find it and watch immediately.  His guest were Kathy and her Jeff Goldblum husband, Rich.  Honestly, it made me die and Bravo needs to hook Jay up with his own show ASAP.

*I ended up watching Mermaids this weekend.  I had forgotten about 80% of the movie and really only cared about Michael Schoeffling's part (see! I do know Jake Ryan's real name), but it was a cute movie.  I forgot how adorable Christina Ricci was at 8 years old and I forgot that Jake Ryan and Winona Ryder hooked up in the bell was a hot 3 minutes. Oooh lord.  Anyhow - it's not necessarily rent worthy, but if its on HBO definitely watch.

*Thoughts on the Beckham baby name? Harper Seven.  I actually like it. Sue me.  If I had a baby girl, I would name her Georgiana or Carolina (pronounced like Herrera - Carooleeena).  I like interesting names...and let's be honest, no one is calling her Seven.  Can you imagine what this baby will be dressed like?  If Posh was smart, she would start a maternity and baby line in addition to her amazing clothing line. Just saying.

*I'm lost without tennis on.  When is the next match? And why the hell doesn't the tennis channel come with comcast?

Wish I was somewhere else, jamming out to this:
Stay cool yall.  And if that means hiring a hot pool boy to spritz you with evian spray then do it.  And now I'm taking applications for that pool boy...

Friday, July 8, 2011

80's flashback

Running some quick errands last night, I came across a store that's been in this shopping center for ages, but I've never ventured in. It's call "reunions" and its an antiquey-furniture store.  Some of their stuff is really cute - overpriced - but cute.  As I ventured out of the store, this guy was walking across the parking lot and I had to do a double take. Because I swear to the lord baby jesus, I had just been transported back to the 80s...not because of the clothes this guy was wearing, but because he was a dead on ringer for one Mr. Jake Ryan.

If you don't know who Jake Ryan is, then kill yourself. No seriously. Because if you have never watched Sixteen Candles, then I don't know how we can be friends. It's on my top 10 favorite movies and a movie that I quote frequently.  Any John Hughes movie is quotable, but other than Home Alone, this is my favorite movie of his.
So, back to the dreamyness of Jake Ryan.  I'm not actually sure how long I stood on the sidewalk looking at my Jake look-a-like, but I might have whispered a "goddddamnnn" and shook my head to wake from my dream.  He was wearing jeans, a flannel (yes, uh it was 95 degrees yesterday) and some wallabees.  He got into an Acura, which is a far cry from Jake's red Porsche which I desperately wished would show up to my house and whisk me away.
I smiled all the way home, and when I turned on the DVR to see what I had recorded over the past week...not only was Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead, starring a delicious and young Josh Charles, BUT Mermaids...staring Cher, Winona Ryder, and JAKE RYAN.  I swear no one knows his real name...and frankly who cares. In Mermaids, he plays the shy school bus driver who lives with the nuns.  Don't ask why, just go with it.  I'm going to have to re watch the movie this weekend and report back, but last night I was too busy with Josh (not Joshua, Lady Lala) and his handsome yellow and red bow tie in DTMtheBD.  Seriously, it's such a great movie and a hidden treasure. I found an article in the NYTimes Magazine from last month where they ran into JC at a Shakespeare in the park event, and he had to say this about his movies: ""I don’t usually watch things I do. Maybe sometimes, but very rare." That’s the sort of beauty of theater, it’s an evolving, living thing, whereas television or film, you lock it into a specific period of time ... and you’re constantly thinking about what could have been." Uh...okay Josh.  But someone please tell me what's happened to our poor boy. He looks a little coked out here:

And he is looking too skinny. But whatever, I still love him. And in the words of Willy Shakespeare, "Adieu, adieu. Parting is such sweet sorrow."

Later bitches,

Sidenote: It must be said that I didn't first watch this movie until way in the 90's, and not the original 1984 release date as I was merely a babe at that time.
Photo: Patrick McMullen

let's play a game...

It's like Win, Lose, or Draw but better.  Let's play...which starlet will wear the following Valentino dresses?
I'm thinking Gwyenth Paltrow...Jennifer Anniston if it showed more skin

This one screams Anne Hathaway...maybe Emma Watson

Maybe this is Anniston?

No clue, but I bet Rachel Zoe died when this came down the runway.

Elle Fanning.
Photo:, Yannis Vlamos /'s pretttttty

To the 4 straight men who read this blog, I'm sorry, but I'm doing another post about dresses (and another one after that). Sorry I'm not sorry.  This time it's the Giamballista Valli show and if you are a girl who wears classic clothes, then this show is for you.  I texted someone last night with the link to this show and said "kill yourself, because this show will make you commit suicide because you are poor and can't afford these clothes."  And it's true. Every single one of the outfits is near perfection and had I been at this show, I might have openly wept. I'm also pretty stoked that I bought a shirt this weekend with little petals all over it like the coat on the last row....and that capes are back in.

Feast your eyes ladies:


Photo:, Yannis Vlamos /