g-rated, usa-network-type scandal

I love a scandal. Everyone knows that.  Black, white, fat, thin, man, woman...it doesn't matter. I think my love is in large part because I live in DC where there is a scandal on some level every day. The people here are held to a higher degree than most...senators, congressmen, generals, ambassadors. But with power comes corruptness.

So basically what we have here is really a PG rated scandal with some Covert Affairs thrown in. I don't think this even rates to Homeland. No, its more a USA show. And I've been thinking all week how I could recap this nightmare while making it funny at the same time, but I think it's beyond all hope now. I'm so confused at who was emailing who, who was threatening who, and who the random Fibbie was sending who topless photos. I'm just sad that I don't get sent male FBI topless photos. The whole thing is just so sad on another level. The basic things we can learn from this disaster is 1. if you are having an affair, DELETE YOUR EMAILS. 2. Make sure that you have a friend that is an PRICE - Public Relations In Case of Emergency....meaning you have one friend that if shit gets real and your photo is all over tv, this is the person who knows what 5 photos of you are acceptable for cable news. None of this mardi gras bead wearing, head tilting, trash wearing photos. This is also the person who should have a delete key on all of your electronic emails/facebook/twitter accounts.  And 3. I think we can all agree that the term "tampa socialite" is an oxymoron.

Happier news, Christmas is coming. No movie countdown this year. This year I'm doing presents! Everyone always tells me that I'm so hard to shop for, to which I respond "whaaa" because nothing could be further from the truth. Just you wait and see.

xo,
bunny

a case of the mondays

Goodness gracious. Mondays are the worst. All you want to do is leisurely break into the day, maybe hit up lunch early...stay longer than usual, hit the afternoon meetings and then head the hell home. But noooo. This Monday meant it. Maybe it was to get back at me complaining about not working for the past 6 weeks. Whatever it was, I'm over it.

Lots to talk about. LOTS. First, this is the best time of the year - apple cider, leaves turning, and the tv shows are back (though Honey Boo Boo is over. Sad face like for reals)! Second, Anne Hathaway got married this weekend. Third, Lindsey Lohan was choked. While I shouldn't joke about that, it is so justifiable that I don't think anyone will hate on me.

So many new tv shows last night to count, but on Thursday Scandal was back. I have to admit, even though it is flawed, I really was looking forward to the premier. First, ABC needs to realize that no one cares about the Quinn story line. She is the worst actress in all of the actresses in all of the entire world. The pits. Miserable. Trash. Think of a couple more adjectives for awful and you will get the picture. Making up for her miserable excuse as a human being, is President Tony Goldwyn. Man, he is so good looking I can barely follow what is being said when he is on screen. Olivia keeps running around doing her weird walking, the cameraman is still having a stroke, and the FLOTUS is preggers and wants to paint the nursery in blood red. Congratulations, I think you might raise a serial killer. Paint it green or yellow. Hell, I'd even do an orange before red.

The Good Wife also premiered. Nothing really new to report...Alicia is still cold, Kalinda is still a weirdo bi-sexual wearing skirts, boots and leather moto jackets (CBS, I beg of you. PLEASE change her outfit. XO - the whole wide world), and Will is looking botoxed to hell, but adorable.

HOMELAND. Ya'll, I can't even tell you how excited I was for this premier. I don't want to spoil it for people who don't have the tv watching stamina I posses, so I'll keep it short and simple. We're back after, what 6 months? I couldn't figure out the timeline. Brody is now a congressman (lord, can you imagine the nut job of a boss he would be?), Saul is in Beirut, and Carrie is living with her sister and trying to get back on her feet after being booted from the CIA. She's called back to help with an asset and as such she needs to dye her hair brown. I got to tell you, this was the most disturbing thing of the episode. Claire is so a summer. This was mostly a catch up episode so not much happened, though I did have one "oooohhhh shittttt" moment. Speaking of shits - that daughter of Brody's needs to be disciplined. And hard. If I had spoken to my mother the way she speaks to hers, I would have had my throat ripped out through the skin. You think I'm kidding, but I couldn't more serious. Heart attack serious.

Now...onto Anne Hathaway. Ya'll know I hate her right? Like irrationally hate her. I think it's because of her lips. Or maybe it's her nose. Or maybe it's because she's the most annoying person on the face of the earth. (ok...maybe second behind my sister) My tanned, yacht owning, South of France sailing, friend Valentino let it slip a couple weeks ago that he designed the dress. I wonder if he's taking responsibility for that awful head gear?

I think poor Anne is going to look back and wish she had gotten some extensions for her awful hair. Or at least have waited another 6 months to let it grow in more. And is it me, or is that dress have a pink hue to it? I mean, we all know she isn't a virgin, but damn A, you don't have to parade it around. Personally, I want my dress tinted blue. Very light so that after I walk by you squinch your nose up and say "is that dress blue or white?" Always leave them guessing... 

So now I'm guessing that Valentino has finally succumbed to sun poisoning and it's seeped into his brain. That's the only thing that can account for this monstrosity of a dress. I gotta say, it just makes me dislike her more.

Happy monday!

XO,

B

make new friends, but keep the old

I am the absolute worst keeping in touch with people. My friends can attest. And when I make friends with someone who is like me with the friend communication, well it's just over.

While perusing the NYT at lunch (gah - why is it so cold outside? What happened to the 70 degree weather??), I came across an article about how having more friends will make you live longer. Forging stronger social connections for a longer life is the title and it's incredibly interesting. Basically it says as long as you are up and out, you will live a long and happy life no matter what you eat.  This is good news because I found out this morning that Chick-Fil-A will now have a food truck in DC. (Sidenote: If you find the truck stolen and a red head covered in chick-fil-a sauce roaming the streets, chicken fingers in hand screaming "as god as my witness I will never be hungry again", it's not me.)

Anyhow, part of the article talks about how being humble and not self involved also helps lead to a longer life.

"Mr. Robbins cites an illustrative study published in 1983 by Larry Scherwitz, then a psychologist at Baylor University, who taped the conversations of nearly 600 men, a third of them with heart disease. Dr. Scherwitz counted how often the men used first-person pronouns — I, me, mine — and found that those who used them most often were most likely to have heart disease and, when followed for several years, most likely to suffer heart attacks.



The psychologist advised: “Listen with regard when others talk. Give your time and energy to others; let others have their way; do things for reasons other than furthering your own needs.”

So basically, I can barely hope to make it to 2015. Let others have their way?? There is no way in hell that's going to work.  Start thinking about what you will say at my funeral now...please make it poignant, funny, and crude in no particular order.

XO,
B

dasvidaniya ya'll

It's like Christmas has come early! Forbes released it's famous "The World's Billionaire" list today. Yes - billionaires...with a B. Good looking group of people if you ask me. No  new faces except the lady who invented Spanxs is now on the list. Good for her, though a lot of that money is mine. It would be great if she could return it.

As you peruse the list, make sure to keep your hands off #68 and #80. You know I love me some Russian bad boys...especially ones with Philippe Stark yachts. Nothing is hotter than water, money and lucite.

XO,
Bunny

real quick...

With yet another woman coming out of the woodwork, rumor has it that Herman Cain is probably going to drop out of the presidental race. Mark my words - if he makes it thru today, he won't make it thru the week. Sexual harassment is one thing, but a 13 year affair? Sorry I'm not sorry.

I just wish there was some fun visual to go along with his philandering ways...like ex-Rep. David Wu.

XO,
B

happy freaking halloween!

I hope everyone had a nice and safe halloween.  No razor blades found, no roofies in drinks. Halloween used to be my most favorite holiday after Christmas. But this year, with the rain, snow, the sub-zero temperature and the lack of candy around the office, I am just over it.  However, I had a peanut butter snickers this weekend and it was like heaven in my mouth. Seriously. Pick up a bag or ten.

So, let's just get the news out of the way shall we? Kim Kardashian is getting divorced after 72 days. I mean, who the hell didn't see this coming? Why did she rush into it in the first place? Why would Kris go along with it? And do you know what she could have done with the $10 million dollars spent on her sham wedding? Fed people. Donated it to a college for a new science wing (ha! right. Kim probably couldnt even spell science). Clothing for the homeless. Purchase me a birkin or two. Oh...did I mention, feed people.

Here's the thing. You can do anything for a year. They could have lived on seperate coasts, made it work for the publicity. Did she think people would forget about her down the road? Oh, one can only hope. But 72 days? Quitter.

XO,
B

I told you so.

                       Ladies and Gentleman...the distinguished member from the great state of Oregon.

Didn't I tell you? Didn't I warn back in June that it was only a matter of time before another congressional scandal?  Didn't I say it would be before September? Well I am a goddamn genius. Here's the thing about poor David Wu, this isn't new to people in DC.  The story of him cracking up came out right before the election.  But the fucking idiot constituents his district obviously thought they would die with a republican he was the best man for the job. There were erratic emails to his office, which working in a Congressional office I'm not sure how you can differentiate the erratic emails from the standard emails (true story). He sent them pictures of himself dressed as a tiger. There were pleas from his staff to seek professional help (lord have mercy, you know its bad when...). There was a mass exodus of staff. And if all of that wasn't bad enough to make you quit your $25k a year, working 80 hours a week, getting pictures of the boss showing you his Tigger, then the article out of an Oregon newspaper reporting an inappropriate "sexual encounter"  to a donor's teenage daughter might be the final straw.

Mr. Wu. Tisk tisk. The daughter of a donor? What kind of congressman are you? Don't you know the cardinal rule? You never fuck around with the monies. I don't care how hot she was. Her parents are your meal ticket.  And to resign stating the fact that you want to spend more time with your wife and children? Oh hell to the naw.

Maybe that's why Congressman Timmy Ryan won't marry me.  He knows that in the face of a scandal, I would stand tall until the kinky, prostitute stuff came out.  Then I would hold a press conference and smack the hell out of him on national television. Across the face.  Not because he cheated, but because he embarrassed me.  And he wasted our money.  And just like a good congressman, Bunny never fucks around with the monies.

Ya hear me?

XO

B

is it true that only boring people get bored?

I know, I know. I'm sorry for abandoning you for the past 24 hours.  There really was no excuse.  I started to write an entry on the randomness of True Blood, but about half way through it, I was bored. In fact, I've been getting bored with all of my tv shows and have actually uttered the phrase "I'm bored" a lot lately.  A co-worker said to me recently, that you really have to try hard to be bored in DC.  But I am. What's wrong with me?  Maybe I need more stimulation in my life? I'm sick of my routine of work, gym, home.  I've done the museums. I just need something more. Anybody taking an classes?  A new Bar Method place just opened up.

Let's do some random bullet points, because I feel like I have a lot to tell you, though I'm not quite sure what exactly.
*I found a gray hair this morning.  That is not unusual.  But what is unusual is the hair was half gray, half red.  For some bizarre reason, I kept it on my desk all morning.
*Last night a group of us went to Chef's Best to benefit Food and Friends, which is a program which delivers food to people in need and unable to make it out. The event was held at the Hilton Washington, which is referred to in these parts at the Hinckley Hilton, because it's where Hinckley shot Reagan.  The set up was a bit overwhelming with different chefs from restaurants around town making little bites for you to try.  What was overwhelming about it was the sheer number of people attending.  And the fact that I ate my face off. I truly thought I was going to be sick.  But the one thing that stuck with me was the delicious tiramisu cupcake from Hello Cupcake. It was soooo good.
*I have no cable right now, until Comnasty comes and hooks it up tomorrow. Which means I've had no Wimbledon coverage for 2 days. Which means I missed the Nadal/del Porto match yesterday where Rafa thought he broke his foot.  But thanks to the Facebook updates, he did not.  He was practicing this afternoon and will play tomorrow.
*In other tennis news, this was sent to me from FakeAnnaWintour.  I'm on the fence on whether this makes me like Novak more or less: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/tennis/wimbledon/8598686/Wimbledon-2011-Novak-Djokovic-pleads-for-pet-poodle-Pierre-to-be-allowed-into-tournament.html
*Some music for this lazy Tuesday...
An upper:

A downer:

And for the hell of it:



I'm outtie.

XO,

Bunny

another day, another dick

Can we just briefly discuss how awesome this photo is???  Someone called him "Yertle the Turtle" the other day and I practically DIED.  Like Anthony Weiner's dick just jumped out of his pants, beat me to death, jumped back in, had a picture taken of itself, and then watched me die.

George Takei, who is someone I don't know but I think he was on a show called Star Track, wrote this amazing twitter post which I had to share:
"If your name is "Weiner" and you hold public office, don't tempt fate with internet pics. #AreYouListeningBoehner?"


Ahhh...I do love a good congressional scandal...
XO,
B

weiner wiener

My dearest kittens:

I'm sorry ya'll that I have been out of pocket today, but bare with me.  The next week and a half are killer for me at work...and add that with the move...and well my nerves are fraz-zled.

Have any of you seen the new Weiner wiener shot?  The one that is fully exposed? Because I am a lady I will not post it.  But I will tell you to head over to Gawker to gawk. And while you are at it stand up and give this guy a round of applause. Mostly for his junk, but because by week's end there is no way he will be a sitting member of congress.  There is just no way.  One of the ladies he was "talking" to is a porn star...and he told her to lie to reporters and use his PR team if she needed it. Honey, if you have a PR team then let them try to do their job. And even lying won't get you out of this I'm afraid.

Do I think he did something illegal? No. Do I think he did something immoral? Questionable, but again my morals are askew at best.  Do I think he did something severely stupid? Absolutely. How stupid do you have to be to take pictures of yourself at work with pictures of your wife in the background?  And should we even discuss why his shirt was off in the congressional office. Thinking about that makes me want to vom.  Hello men...Did you not learn anything from Tiger Woods, Rep. Chris Lee, Jesse James and countless other idiots?  Delete, delete, delete. Stop keeping the evidence around. In fact, just stop sending it.  I know that you think its a turn on, but its not.  The only person turning on is you.  Just watch some porn or something and stop filling up my inbox.

This is the word of Bunny, let us rejoice and be glad.