g-rated, usa-network-type scandal

I love a scandal. Everyone knows that.  Black, white, fat, thin, man, woman...it doesn't matter. I think my love is in large part because I live in DC where there is a scandal on some level every day. The people here are held to a higher degree than most...senators, congressmen, generals, ambassadors. But with power comes corruptness.

So basically what we have here is really a PG rated scandal with some Covert Affairs thrown in. I don't think this even rates to Homeland. No, its more a USA show. And I've been thinking all week how I could recap this nightmare while making it funny at the same time, but I think it's beyond all hope now. I'm so confused at who was emailing who, who was threatening who, and who the random Fibbie was sending who topless photos. I'm just sad that I don't get sent male FBI topless photos. The whole thing is just so sad on another level. The basic things we can learn from this disaster is 1. if you are having an affair, DELETE YOUR EMAILS. 2. Make sure that you have a friend that is an PRICE - Public Relations In Case of Emergency....meaning you have one friend that if shit gets real and your photo is all over tv, this is the person who knows what 5 photos of you are acceptable for cable news. None of this mardi gras bead wearing, head tilting, trash wearing photos. This is also the person who should have a delete key on all of your electronic emails/facebook/twitter accounts.  And 3. I think we can all agree that the term "tampa socialite" is an oxymoron.

Happier news, Christmas is coming. No movie countdown this year. This year I'm doing presents! Everyone always tells me that I'm so hard to shop for, to which I respond "whaaa" because nothing could be further from the truth. Just you wait and see.

xo,
bunny

reading rainbow

I love to read...I really do. The latest thriller, congressional reports, blogs, magazines, Basel III for dummies. You name it, I'll read it. I guess I'm from the old school where reading is knowledge and everyone knows from GI Joe that knowledge is power. So inside the knowledge that the October issues of Elle and Vogue provide, both had things I felt like I needed to mention.

First up, Vogue had a huge spread on Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz. I could only make it through about half of it, mostly turned off at the very beginning showing what a great mom she is by having 2 of her 3 children running around her congressional office while she gave the interview. It reads like most congress interviews - she's super special and super smart and she's the best person for the job. I have to wonder if her opponent in the 20th district of Florida will get the same fan fare from Vogue? Isn't that a rule somewhere? Actually, I don't really care about any of that because I mostly wanted to highlight what one might look like before the Vogue stylist gets to you....

And then after....

I really couldn't believe the pictures when I read it. I think I stared at her pic for a good 5 minutes before declaring that the american people should pay for her blow outs every damn day. She looks fantastic. I'm totally going to ignore the fact that she states that she hated herself when she was a size 8 and had no energy and that, praise be, she is a size 2 now. 
Another thing that will make you VOL - vomit out loud (totally copywritting my genius), this Dear E. Jean letter. I think E. Jean is a hack who sits around and writes these ricidulous "dear abby" type of situations that would never occur in a million years. Like, dear E. Jean, my boyfriend has no job, no car, and no money. He's been living off of me for a year. I totally love him tho. What to do?" - signed I'm a frittata in everywhere, usa. And then E. Jean will give her some stupid fake advice, like, it's totally okay. Just let him sit his fat ass on your couch watching Regis and Kelly and eventually he will wise up. RIGHT. Whatever...off subject. Read here and see if you can contain your emotions till the end....

Dear E. Jean: I’m a 34-year-old Internet entrepreneur and angel investor. Can you help me find a woman? What I’m looking for is a life partner— not the "mother of my children." Anyone who aspires to be a housewife is automatically eliminated. The women I fall for typically intimidate men. I suppose the easiest way to summarize is to say that I’m seeking a smarter, hotter, younger, female version of myself (smile). I’m cognizant of the fact that ultimately I’ll fall in love with the woman and not the checklist. So without further ado, here’s the perfect girl for me:


•Out-of-this-world intelligent and passionate

•Ambitious and extremely independent with eclectic and diverse interests

•Not needy, high-maintenance, jealous, or requiring constant attention (I suppose it goes with “extremely independent,” but it’s worth mentioning)

•Very adventurous—loves to backpack around China, for example

•Supersexual and sexually adventurous, multiorgasmic through vaginal sex

•On the Pill

•5'7"–6'1"

•Very thin (but not because she’s starving herself or has food issues—I want someone who will be thin her entire life)

•Small breasts (usually come with "very thin")

•Gorgeous (symmetrical face and features)

•Loves big dogs (but not small dogs or cats)

•Atheist, agnostic, or not religious

•Happy!

•Healthy!

•Nice!

•Does not want kids in the next five years
•Is in her twenties
•Plays tennis very well, helicopter skis, and is dying to learn how to kiteboard
•Speaks French perfectly
•Plays video games (maybe I am asking for a bit much here :) )
Historically, the women who’ve been the best girlfriends for me have been entrepreneurs, lawyers, consultants, doctors, bankers, writers, university professors. That’s not to say there aren’t extremely smart, passionate, ambitious girls who are models, work in marketing or PR, or teach K–12, but it’s just less likely. From a looks perspective, I’m pretty agnostic when it comes to hair color, eye color, etc., but I do have very specific tastes: They run to Kate Beckinsale, Diane Kruger, Izabel Goulart, Eva Green, Joanna Krupa, and Odette Annable. I’m also including the pics of my most serious exes so you get a sense of what the girls I really liked look like. Where can I find her? —The Great Gatsby
E. Jean’s note to readers: When I mentioned the "multiorgasmic vaginal sex" requirement to a friend, she said, "Ha, ha, what an asshole."

"But he’s one of the richest men in New York!" I said. “He has too high an opinion of himself,” she said. "Naw," I replied. "The man’s simply saying what most men are thinking but are too politically correct to admit."

Anyway, I’ve met this fellow. After a wild midnight dinner at Cipriani with a half-dozen tech-start-up guys, I vaguely recall asking him what he was "looking for" and promising to "set him up." Three weeks later he pinged me his list. And now…my answer:
Gatsby, You Handsome Idiot: You made your first million two years out of Harvard. Run the search for your "life partner" the way you run your business. Hire a researcher, a PR director, and a COO, and put them to work recruiting. By Thanksgiving you’ll be kiteboarding off Fiji with a flat-chested tennis player. Now, shall we break it down?

The Researcher registers on Match, JDate, eHarmony, OkCupid, and the like, slogs through the thousands of profiles, and selects promising candidates. (This process is so tedious I suggest you hire two interns at $25 an hour each to assist.) The researcher also scouts prospects by dropping by the ladies’ lounge in Bergdorf’s; attending parties at the Harvard Club; and making appearances at gallery openings, polo matches, Stanford charity runs, croquet competitions, fashion shows, and political fundraisers; and creates a master list of 24-year-old Parisian nymphomaniacs who run corporations. (As this list of candidates will amount to only five women, the researcher will "broaden the base.")
The PR Director gets you invited to posh parties, arranges for flattering stories about you to appear in The New York Times, and puts out the word that you’re giving an Aston Martin to the person who keeps the most women away from you. (This counterintuitive move will inspire the imaginations of ladies around the world.)
The Chief Operating Officer, aka your matchmaker, vets the top 40 women nominated by the researcher and PR person, adds three or four selections of her own, and arranges the introductions. When choosing a matchmaker, go with the best: Amber Kelleher-Andrews at Kelleher International or Amy Andersen at Linx Dating. They handle high-profile humans whose lists of demands make yours look like Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s. If you want a younger, cooler matchmaker, try my little Tawkify.com.
P.S. About those photos of your extomatoes: I was braced for inhuman beauty. After a glimpse, I can say I'll eat this four-pound September ELLE if you don’t find a woman with whom you can be happy. The ladies in these pictures are lovely, but it's clear you prize intellectual and sexual chemistry above appearance. I like you the better for it! Give me your hand. Good luck!

So basically this douche wants a supermodel that doesn't speak (unless it's french!), eat, hates God, barely breathes, and can jump out of a helicopter on demand. Ladies - if ya'll know anyone that fits this description, give a holler to E. Jean.

And I'm out on this dreary Tuesday,
XO
B
photo: vogue

second verse, same as the first

Day two of the republican convention and it was pretty much just like the first night. Boresville: population 50. The Nader people were still fuming about something (I missed why they were upset - perhaps something about his eyebags?), the freak shows were still there wearing their cowboy hats, and I was bored to tears a hour in.

I got the impression it was trying to be ladies night with Gov. Martinez, Condolezza Rice...and Mike Huckabee, but then Paul Ryan and his devilish good looks ruined the whole evening. I'm going to put it out there - Susana Martinez might be my new favorite person. She was adorable talking her taco-talk and telling us about how she carried a gun. Man, us R's really do love their guns. I thought Condi did a great job though I feel like a lot of people were too fixated on the lipstick on her teeth. I would have been too had I been paying more attention. I would love to see Con kicked back, drinking beer, cursing - just letting herself go just a bit. She's so stiff and boring.

Now onto Paul Ryan. Oh Paul. What was with your wife and her weird mouth movements? She seemed to have a weird tick that involved moving her mouth back and forth. His mom and kids were cute ... the daughter with her sparkly hair bow made me smile (and think to myself I need a new fascinator). Speaking of cute, Paul looked fantastic. The pale blue tie was a good choice bringing out the blue in his eyes. What his speech was about was lost on me though...Casablanca was on and for the good of the resistance, I turned the channel to watch Bogie, Ingrid and Sam. Sorry I'm not sorry.

Mitt is on center stage tonight. So is South Carolina Gamecock football. Tough decision, but I think everyone knows I love any opportunity to scream "GO COCKS".

XO,
Bunny

must see tv?

Day one of the republican convention and well...what can be said? I'm going to chalk it up to the hurricane, but damn it was the saddest, pitiful little thing I have ever seen. And these are my people. Well not those Ron Paul freaks or those assholes who love Santorum. I'm also not really a Romney girl...however his boys are seriously good looking. Well except that one who looks like he doesn't belong. You know the one I'm talking about.

When you work behind the scenes of these events it looks so much more overwhelming and imposing, but those poor people wearing their sad little cowboy hats and the weirdos who dressed up in their state colors were just depressing. How about that Artur Davis though? Ain't no way he is going back to the Dem party. He was throwing total shade at Obama. He was really a great speaker...we should use him more.

I switched between the convention and the us open. With Rafa out, Novak is in...to my heart that is. Don't think I jumped off the nadal train...I'm still the president, but I have always loved Novak too. And the fact that my Goldman crush bares more than a slight resemblance to him doesn't hurt either. Speaking of - GS crush waved at me last week. It was the highlight of my year day.

XO,
B

and the case to vote Republican

There is a decorum to the United States Senate. It is, after all, the "upper chamber" and should be recognized as such. As a staffer, I was not allowed to wear jeans even in recess or wear my Jack Rogers (the horror). This isn't necessarily the case for everyone, but for my crazy office it was.

I heard the whispers that Will Smith was in the building yesterday afternoon for lunch at "the dump". The whispers didn't quite get the reaction they should have because Friday we were visited by the US men's Olympic basketball team. I had no idea who any of them were, but I can scream "USA!" with the best of them. And they didn't get the reaction they deserved, because other than Fresh Prince, I could give two shits about Will and his ragamuffin children. Then I see this picture Willow uploaded to the tweetsies and I am horrified. I want the name of the staffer that let this happen.

And in the Senate Foreign Relations hearing room? Have you no couth Willow Smith? You should be ashamed...you too John Kerry. Foreign Relations is an important committee, unlike something stupid like Rules and Administration. I guess I should be excited she wore a blazer...at least that was appropriate.

the wide world of Disney

Sometimes I really love the Huffington Post. They have completely made my day with this photo montage - "Politicians who look like Disney Characters". Yes, while sad, I will nerd rage because these are my people. Let's take a look at the best shall we?

Prince Eric from Little Mermaid and Rep. Paul Ryan (R - WI)

Having hosted Rep. Ryan this week in the office for a fundraiser, I will definitely agree on this one. The smile...the perfect coif of hair....the piercing blue eyes....the chin that could cut glass. Sigh. The man is a fucking dream boat. And he is a lot taller than he appears. Even though it's now de-funct, this tumblr about Paul is fantastic. Like the Baby Goose's Hey Girl, but better for policy nerds.



Mr. Smee from Capt. Hook and Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA)

HILARIOUS and so dead on. They even share black eyebrows and funky glasses. I bet Mr. Smee doesn't spit when he talks though. Or sounds like a muppet. Great story about BFrank: a co-worker lives down the street from him on the Hill. She is constantly behind him as he does his weekly dry cleaning run where he leaves a trail of ties and shirts as he walks. As he drops his tie, she runs up and picks it up and hands it back to him. He looked her dead in the face and told her it wasn't his tie. She laughed because OF COURSE it was his tie as there was no one in the vicinity with laundry. He didn't appear to be in good humor, ripped the tie away from her, and kept walking. I know this story is hard to believe because Barney and clean clothes is hard to believe.



The Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland and Sen. Bernie Sanders (I - VT)



This is funny because not only is the photo perfect, Bernie Sanders is more crazy than the Mad Hatter. This pic of Bernie is flattering - most of the time his hair is in a constant state of disarray and he looks like he would murder you. And then maybe eat you. Yeah...Fun guy. Great date for a dinner party.

Karl Rove and Blankie from Brave Little Toaster

Little known fact that my brother, the Great Hambino, who is not known for his love of anything fru-fru or girly LOVED Brave Little Toaster as a child and Blankie was his favorite. I think I remember him crying on several occasions that Blankie and the Toaster might not make it back to their family. Seeing this photo made me smile. Mostly for Blankie himself.

XO,
Bunny