Monday, May 14, 2012

the clouds never expect it when it rains

I apologize for the MIA status for the last 2 weeks. To say things have been bananas would be to put it mildly. First, sadly, I have to report that after 14 amazing years of unconditional love and support my sweet little pooch, Rudy, no longer belongs to this world. It has been incredibly sad - more than I realized it would be - and while at home this weekend the loss was intensified. Her monogrammed dog bed(s) (doesn't every dog need a bed in all corners of the house??) still lay around the house, like my parents hope time will rewind and she will come back. I dropped a cracker on the floor and came so close to calling "rudy" to spare me the energy to bend over and it up. While sad, she went out with a bang as her last meal was a wendy's cheeseburger, french fries and a frosty. However, it was a vanilla frosty because my father couldn't bring himself to buy her a chocolate know cause she could die from too much chocolate. My brother is pushing hard from Australia for my parents to get a pig...and name it Kevin Bacon.

What else did I miss the last two weeks....

*Prince Harry was in DC to receive some award last Monday. It was the same night as the Met Gala. Do you know how hard it was to try and decide between Harry and Anna Wintour? I did what I thought was best...and picked neither and watched Hart of Dixie on my couch.

*I had this brilliant idea that I should just happen to be hanging out at the Ritz in the bar the same time Harry was getting his award. Obviously, my trip to the hotel didn't pan out because I was too busy looking for a helicopter (long story), but when I saw the pictures of the girls standing outside waiting for his arrivals, all I could think of was "Buzz, your girlfriend. WOOOOOF." You all know how I like to play it cool around celebrities (Brangelina, Matthew Perry), but I would have lost my shit for that little redheaded hoodlum and probably ended up on the 6pm news. Thank god he didn't make a trip to the "dump" is all I have to say.

*I really wanted to do a post on the Met Gala, but after looking through 140 pictures of ugly and bizarre, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Sorry I'm not sorry.

*Gay, that happened. Mazel tov!

*I haven't seen my gym crush/I Spy in 2 weeks. That saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder? Yeah. No.

*Speaking of the gym, a new personal training company is hard core lobbying the building for new clients. They've been in our lobby for a week offering their services, which is very nice and I should definitely sign up, but just can't. Not in the office gym. Not being screamed at in front of ISpy. Well New Girl (or her new name, That One) decided it would be awesome if we signed up for a boot camp. It was all fun and games until I ran into the boot camp instructor. Have you ever seen the movie Major Payne? Well standing before me was Major Benson Winifred Payne complete with camo pants and the tightest camo under armor shirt I have ever seen. He, too, is 6'4, black, bald and looks like he could literally murder me with his pinkie. "Killing is my business and business is good." Ya'll pray for us. We're going to need it.

*Rafael Nadal. Sigh. He's now the world's #3 player. Federer breezed past him to reclaim the #2 spot this weekend after he won the Madrid Open. I don't really have anything to say here, but thought you would want to know.

*Continuing on tennis, I miss Carlos Costa. That is all.

*A word to the wise: If you ever end up at the Rock n' Roll Hotel, which incidentally is not a hotel, do not, and I repeat DO NOT, get the "redrum" drink. There is a reason there is a 2 drink limit and it is called murder backwards because it will murder you. I'm pretty sure they put roofies in it. Or everclear. Same diff.

*And finally, can we talk about what a disaster 95 South is? Why, on Friday, was I the only non-yankee on the road? And why are yankees so aggressive? I'll leave for you to ponder that today.


PS - and just to blow your mind on this rainy Monday morning, I give you this. Good luck trying to rid it from your head. I will spend the morning meetings thinking of dirty things to do with all these boys.

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