Friday, April 6, 2012

the tell was he called her sweet baby

SPOILER ALERT. I am about to critique the new ABC show, Scandal. If you saw it, feel free to chime in. If you didn't but are going to, then stop reading and read after you watch.

If you don't live under a rock, then you will know that ABC has been promoting the hell out of this show. It showed a lot of promise - DC, scandals, the president - all things I very much enjoy. And it's from the lady who wrote Grey's Anatomy, which when it started was a good show. Now...well, not so much.

I kept a written train of thought while watching, and while usually that means bullet points and crazy thoughts, I apparently was filled with lots of emotion and opinions, because there is a whole written diary on the first episode.

Where to start....where to start?  Well, for one, there is TOO MUCH TALKING. I instantly feel that I've been transformed back to watching the West Wing, except I like WW and this is grating on my nerves. It's like Aaron Sorkin-esque, but not as well written.  We are thrown into the show in a crowded DC bar. A girl wearing what Hollywood thinks is DC attire walks to the bar and to tell a hot guy that she isn't staying because she doesn't do "blind dates". I can tell the audience already hates her (read: me) because 1. her outfit is atrocious and 2. she's not attractive and therefore should be snubbing her nose at a blind date, especially a good looking, well dressed blind date. She's told this isn't a blind date, but more so a job interview. We have yet to know her name, her current occupation, and why she has applied for a new job. The words "Olivia Pope" are mentioned and the poor girl goes catatonic, almost foaming at the mouth. She's hired (what her credentials are, we have no idea, because they have yet to tell us) and whisked away because she starts right this 7pm. The only thing we are told of this girl is that her awful outfit shows way too much cleavage, which in DC there is a fine line between "appropriate" and "intern attire" (as all girls on the hill nod and say "true that").

Enter Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope. Her hair instantly distracts me. She is a beautiful woman, but the side bang she's rocking highlight her incredibly large forehead. I find myself trying to brush the bangs over as she's on-screen, and only towards the end of the show does my magic start to work. There is A LOT of walking and talking, something about a baby and $3 million dollars and her gut. She also calls out the new girl for showing too much chest. Even though she is poorly dressed, she is not showing too much skin.  I'm 8 minutes into this show and I'm exhausted and starting to hate it...this is not good.

I'm not sure what kind of business Olivia runs, because she makes a point to say they aren't a law firm, but they are lawyers. There is hot random black guy, mexican IT guy who was in Weeds and was a drug dealer, random guy from LOST (which reminded me how much I hated that show), and some red headed chick who makes a point of saying 10 minutes into the show that she hates republicans. Fantastic. I should point out that said republican hating red head is wearing white hose. Not leggings - panty hose. Isn't there some line about stones and glass houses?

Enter the's Dr.  Judson for all you Hart of Dixie fans...covered in blood. His girlfriend has been shot in the head 3 times. His alibi is weak at best and he knows he is going to be arrested. Let me say that compared to the other losers on this show, his hotness is distracting. He's a decorated war hero, he's a powerful speaker for the far right wing, and he swears he didn't do it. Olivia believes him because her "gut" tells her so. Um, Liv, maybe it's heartburn.

Someone says blah, someone else says blah and 10 people died of boredom. And thennnnnn I remembered why I wanted to watch this show....TONY GOLDWYN. Damn ya'll, I really do have a type. I need help. Tony plays the President of the United States. I'm instantly alert and back into the show and wondering why none of the current presidential nominees look like him. Tony is in search of a PR person too because it looks like he's been naughty (very into this show now). His affair-e is threatening to make the story public. Olivia is "hired" because she used to work for potus and believes in him. The girl in affair - question is the same girl that outed Leo McGarry as a drunk on the west wing. We hate her. (Side note: Joshua Malina, also of the WW is also on this show. Someone let me know when Bradley Whitford appears). Olivia comes off a little too harsh, showing a little too much emotion on the accused girl in front of her new protege (whose name we still don't know) and I instantly know where this whole episode is headed. I could have written this in my sleep. It's amateur at best....but we are only half way through. At 45 minutes in and I find myself saying out loud "holy shit balls this is awful."

I'll leave the rest for you to watch, but I'm on the fence if I will give this show a second watch, even with the hottest potus known to man. There is too much talking, the camera work makes me think I'm having a seizure and coupled with the white hose, no makeup, ugly people, and a weird story, I just don't see me putting in the effort.  But, if given a choice between doing the right thing and sleeping with President Tony Goldwyn....well, hell, I guess get me a beret and a cigar and call me Monica.

Bunny Goldwyn

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