Didn't I tell you? Didn't I warn back in June that it was only a matter of time before another congressional scandal? Didn't I say it would be before September? Well I am a goddamn genius. Here's the thing about poor David Wu, this isn't new to people in DC. The story of him cracking up came out right before the election. But
the fucking idiot constituents his district obviously thought they would die with a republican he was the best man for the job. There were erratic emails to his office, which working in a Congressional office I'm not sure how you can differentiate the erratic emails from the standard emails (true story). He sent them pictures of himself dressed as a tiger. There were pleas from his staff to seek professional help (lord have mercy, you know its bad when...). There was a mass exodus of staff. And if all of that wasn't bad enough to make you quit your $25k a year, working 80 hours a week, getting pictures of the boss showing you his Tigger, then the article out of an Oregon newspaper reporting an inappropriate "sexual encounter" to a donor's teenage daughter might be the final straw.
Mr. Wu. Tisk tisk. The daughter of a donor? What kind of congressman are you? Don't you know the cardinal rule? You never fuck around with the monies. I don't care how hot she was. Her parents are your meal ticket. And to resign stating the fact that you want to spend more time with your wife and children? Oh hell to the naw.
Maybe that's why Congressman Timmy Ryan won't marry me. He knows that in the face of a scandal, I would stand tall until the kinky, prostitute stuff came out. Then I would hold a press conference and smack the hell out of him on national television. Across the face. Not because he cheated, but because he embarrassed me. And he wasted our money. And just like a good congressman, Bunny never fucks around with the monies.
Ya hear me?