Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I see a red door and I want to paint it black

My Poodle and I exchange daily rapid fire emails on everything under the sun.  A review of Bill Cunningham New York - check.  How to live like a mexican drug cartel - check (minus driving a mazda 626. I mean, no way in hell would I be caught driving a mazda. Killing people, fine, but I draw the line at cheap cars). Red heads being turned away from making deposits at sperm banks - check but WTF.

If you don't know, I am a red head. Not a "ginger", but a red head. Like, full on red with freckles. More auburn than orange. The hair is a gift and a curse.  Just ask my brother and my sister, who both have red hair.  God has been kinder to my brother - the great hambino as I call him - by turning his hair browner as he grows older. But baby sister, Filthy McNasty, and I are looked at wherever we go.  And if we are together, people gawk.  I can't tell if they think we are freaks of nature or if they are jealous of our luxurious locks.

People have stopped me on the street to ask if its natural. One time a lady in the grocery store asked me what number I used.  I told her I didn't understand before she explained that her whole life she wanted hair my color and had searched every hair salon and hair coloring box in search of it.  When I frowned and told her I wish I was blond, she looked at me with daggers and said "people would die for your hair".  I laughed but I think she was serious.  I watched my back in the parking lot because she looked like a scalper. But people are also mean about my hair...calling me 'ginger' or 'red', which I hated growing up.  I don't remember being teased about my hair in my younger years, but in high school the boys were relentlessly mean my freshman year. They seemed to let the taunts die mid-year when they realized I didn't care.

Red heads have certain traits that a lot of people don't know about. Yes, it's been said we have tempers (I have no idea where that comes from), but did you know that red heads feel pain more acutely? Not only physically, but emotionally as well. And because of this, we need more anesthesia. In fact, we are less likely to visit the dentist or to have dental procedures done.  My dentist and I will confirm this is true. I don't even want to talk about the horrible surprise root canal of 2005 fiasco.

One of the links on the HuffPo piece links to this blog post - a girl also living with red hair. She writes...
"History has not been kind to the ginger people. At various points we have been hunted as witches, sacrificed to the gods and thought to be vampires. When it comes to art and literature, the biblically-themed, at least, red hair is often the mark of sin. The roster of corrupted redheads includes Eve, after she was been seduced by Satan, Cain, after he offed his brother, and everyone's favorite disciple, Judas. Redheaded Mary Magdalenes are also common, emphasizing what a harlot Jesus had the compassion to befriend. (legend also has it that we're sexually insatiable and morally depraved.)." I definitely can confirm the parenthesis sentence. Especially the morally depraved bit. Baby boy can also confirm.

So with sperm banks not accepting red donations, does that mean that in years down the road, red heads will be even less prevalent? Truly making us freaks of nature? Genetic mistakes?

Temper aside, who wouldn't want a red headed baby?

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